So it’s been a while since my last post largely due to: an illness – not at all serious, but was rather lingering; half term (including my dear friend’s wedding) and last, but not least – a new member of our household. The latter is a certain 5 month old black and white kitten who shall be known as The Minister’s Cat (TMC) and who has proved a rather large distraction!
Hopefully ‘normal’ life is returning – but then what is that? I long for my ‘normal’ to rest in meditating on God’s word, praying with trust and with passion, and serving the Kingdom with diligence. I long for my normal to be a disciplined attitude to reading God’s word and praying – a discipline that increasingly develops from duty into delight. I long for my normal to see me rejoicing in the Lord and being contagious in that.
Instead I find that the above is the exception to the rule that I manage for a bit until – like a river that always finds the easiest course – I re-route myself into self indulgence and ease. The seed of discipline and determination seems to be either instantly plucked away or to just wither as the weeds of ill-discipline and idol worship choke it out.
Thank you my dear heavenly Father that grace is your normal. Thank you that you have begun a good work in me and you will carry it on until completion. Help me to neither give up and settle for false rest, nor fail to rest in your mercy and grace. Thank you that Jesus knew the joy set before him so clearly, and loved his Father’s will so deeply that he endured the cross and rose again and can not fail to bring me into your presence as a trophy of your grace. Help me to go on hungering to grow in you, to see more clearly that your best is indeed best and beautiful and to grow to despise the taste of earthly indulgence. Please change my normal Lord, Amen.
Supper's NOT in the slow cooker 
Thank you for your honest and heartfelt post. God is pleased with our longing even though the performance doesn’t match the desire. Remember Paul: ‘The good that I want to do I don’t’. God ‘remembers that we are dust’. He doesn’t ask us to do on our own anything we can’t manage. It’s more a learning we can’t do it on our own, and learning how to let Him have His way in us which is not always in the way we expect or at the speed we want. He loves to answer prayers asking for greater hunger for Him – I think that is a prayer that pleases Him very much. ‘Love is patient. Love is kind.’ This is a description of God’s love for us. I once heard Him say to me ‘I am patient with you. I am kind to you. Please be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself too.’ Just sharing for your encouragement too. sending much love
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I think that there are two extremes that we need to be aware of. We do need to avoid slipping into a works mentality that questions God’s mercy and love, but we also need to avoid being content with less than the best that God offers us. We need to feel safe in God’s grace, but disatisfied with our response to it. God does want us to be kind to ourselves, but sometimes the kind thing to do is to slap ourselve in the face to wake ourselves up and challenge ourselves to take hold of more of what we can be in Christ. Grace is a totally safe place in which we can, in God’s strength, reach higher and jump further.
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