I found myself toiling up Mount Doom with Sam and Frodo today as I listened to the Lord of the Rings on CD during a rather half hearted exercise session. The weight of Frodo’s burden overwhelming him, Sam heroically carrying him up the mountainside.

Rather fitting for Holy Week!

What must these ‘Holy Week’ days have been like for Jesus? Certainly by Thursday, in the garden of Gethsemane we see him struggling under the anticipated weight  of the burden he was to carry.

And rather fitting for today.

For you see today is indeed a heavy day for the NTV and I. 10 years ago today we learned that The Gift had died. My alarm at his stillness when I woke up that morning confirmed at lunch time – his absent heartbeat causing the sonographer to pale.

10 years ago yesterday we were anticipating the birth of our second child, our first son. 2 weeks to go – an elective C-Section booked. 10 years ago today we found it hard to put together a concept of tomorrow.

And so today is a heavy day and largely just to be got through. It is not that we grieve without hope. The tears I wept this morning as we listened to the Last Battle and Aslan welcoming his people in through the stable door were not just tears of pain, but tears of joy too. How can that be?

Because in the heaviness of Gethsemane Jesus said to his Father – “Not my will, but yours be done”! Because Jesus endured the heaviest day in the history of the world and, as we will remember on The Gift’s birthday this year, rose triumphant on the third day.

And yet – it hurts, it hurts so very badly.

Thank you my Good Shepherd, for laying down your life for your wayward sheep. Thank you that even though we walk in the deep shadows today we do not walk alone. Thank you that the shadows cannot consume us, because you have triumphed over them! Thank you that The Gift was born at this time of year – what a blessing it is to have this annual reminder of life everlasting with you. Thank you for The Gift – I delight in your will for us and for him. And  I pray this in the name of the one who suffered and died so that my baby could be with you in paradise. Amen.